The 'BALLA D' of Emil Todorow and Mr X.

In a recent match between the Nomads and Morden CC, a minor umpiring difference of opinion between our own skipper Mr Emil Todorow and legendary Morden stalwart Mr X led to Mr X asserting that he was a faster bowler, a better bowler and, in fact, a better cricketer than Todorow. The Nomads have been discussing this at length in recent weeks, with many helpful and interesting comments made on the subject.
Finally, in a special feature, Clapham Nomads Blogspot has decided once and for all to establish who rules the roost in South London cricket as we compare two men who are very different and yet, somehow, so very much alike.

In a searching and unbiased examination, we will study their cricketing ability, their wider cricketing awareness, and also seek to learn more about the men beneath the white flannels. They will be assessed head-to-head in 8 different areas; batting, bowling, fielding, captaincy, temperament, cricketing experience, hair and piss-taking.




BOWLING -




TODOROW's bowling record in games against Morden is 38-4-123-4, an average of 30.75, but his seasonal average has been better than this in each of his 20 summers of cricket. He is unorthodox but undeniably effective with almost 300 wickets for Clapham Nomads and over 150 - often in trying circumstances - for Open University. Rating - 8 out of 10




Mr X's record in these matches is 38-6-129-4, uncannily similar to Todorow's and indicative of the fact that there are more similarities between the men than there are differences. He is an effective line and length merchant but perhaps lacking just a touch of the Nomads player's flair and variation. It would be a co-incidence if his overall record was also, like Emil's, much better than in Nomads/Morden fixtures. Rating - 6 out of 10



BATTING




TODOROW's batting average against Morden in recent seasons is only 6.67. However, in games in which Mr X was playing this rises to 17.00, indicating that Emil thrives on this great rivalry. He can be a slow starter but when he gets going his square cut is a thing of savage beauty. He has opened the batting many times and may just be harder to dismiss than Mr X. Rating - 6 out of 10



Mr X, like Todorow, can struggle early in his innings but once he is established his footwork and variety of strokeplay may just give him the edge here. Only 2 of his scores have been recorded in Nomads' scorebook; 14 and 30. Rating - 7 out of 10



FIELDING




Mr X has taken at least 1 catch against the Nomads and may have taken more. He is a competent fielder and I can recall neither any great flashes of brilliance nor any particularly serious errors. Rating - 6 out of 10



TODOROW himself would admit that this is not the strongest area of his game but his ground-fielding is becoming more dependable and he has arguably the more powerful throw of the two men. Rating - 5 out of 10




CAPTAINCY



Mr X has extensive captaincy experience and his assertiveness and personal charm make him a natural leader. His field positioning is astute. He remains the only man to captain Morden to victory over the Nomads but he has also led them to a minimum of two defeats. Rating - 6 out of 10



When TODOROW became Nomads' regular captain, he took a long look at the club's on-field behaviour problem and banned him. He may not quite have Mr X's tactical knowledge but he has helped to generate an atmosphere which, dare it be said, may just be slightly happier than Morden's. His record as captain against Morden speaks volumes; Won 5 Lost 1, a success rate of 83%. Rating - 8 out of 10



TEMPERAMENT




TODOROW is a man who experienced early hardship and whose personal philosophy encourages him to relish suffering. He is calm, unflappable and a stoic. He carries this on to the cricket field. If he is hit for 6, he will follow up with an unplayable yorker. If he is given out LBW unluckily, he will shrug it off with just the tiniest glance at his inside edge. If he is confronted by very bad behaviour from an opponent or, more usually, a team-mate, he will deal with the situation coolly and efficiently - and kick the offender up the backside. Rating - Zen-like. 9 out of 10



Until this season, I can recall no incidents involving Mr X. He seemed a pleasant, affable man. He still does, but one or two cracks are starting to appear; blaming his own wayward bowling on Clapham Nomads' excellent choice of balls, obsessively questioning umpires' decisions and entering into childish comparisons of cricketing ability with senior opposition players. Rating - An Area to be Watched. 6 out of 10




CRICKET EXPERIENCE




Mr X is about 60 and has been playing organised cricket for almost 50 years. He grew up in Wimbledon, overlooking Dundonald Road Rec, and remembers the Rec as a pleasant place to play cricket, which shows he does possess a long memory. It is evident from the ability he still possesses that he must once have played at a high level. He still plays for a well-organised and established League club and is likely to have coaching experience. Rating - Vast Experience. 9 out of 10



Emil TODOROW is 57 but didn't hold a bat until he was 33 and didn't start playing organised cricket until he was nearly 40. Since then, though, he has played in 350-400 matches, well over 150 of them as captain. He has helped build up a club from nothing and has vast experience of the low-budget end of non-league cricket. He loves the game deeply and is a good judge of a cricketer; his favourite players being Graeme Hick, Sir Richard Hadlee and 1980s Nottinghamshire seamer Andy Pick. Rating - Unique Experience. 7 out of 10



HAIR



Mr X is clearly a man who takes pride and interest in his hair. It is always neat and well-coiffured, if just slightly long for a man of his age. I suspect he may use an expensive conditioner. In cricketing terms it doesn't particularly help or hinder his play, and the way his hair bounces interestingly when he is appealing vigorously for LBW causes umpires to treat the appeals only marginally less seriously than they otherwise would. He has quite good eyebrows too. Rating - Nice Hair. 9 out of 10



Despite once being described as 'shaggy-haired' in the Daily Telegraph, TODOROW's hair is absolutely first-class. It is the hair of someone who is his own man, of a cerebral man of culture. It is professorial. When he bowls, his hair often floats in the breeze, providing aerodynamic assistance to his run-up and sometimes intimidating younger, more impressionable batsmen. Rating - Best Hair in Cricket. 10 out of 10.



PISS-TAKING



Mr X may, for all we know, be excellent at taking the piss; though the humour in Morden CC's sledging and banter is less subtle and, in fact, less funny than that found in most teams. He has had little opportunity to take the piss out of the Nomads because of the way results have gone. As Todorow would put it; "The piss has been on him." Rating - Gnat's. 4 out of 10



No-one takes the piss quite like TODOROW. He is a master of the art and is devoted to it. In the words of Benny; "A piss-taker he is, always was and always will be." Rating - Young's Special. 10 out of 10.




So there you have it. But what does all this reveal about these two great men? In terms of pure cricketing ability i.e. batting, bowling and fielding, the aggregate scores are Todorow 19 Mr X 19 which underlines the intense similarity between these men and hints at the suspicion that they were, in fact, separated at birth. In a wider cricketing context, bringing in captaincy, temperament and experience, we find Todorow with 43, compared to Mr X's 40, beginning to forge clear. However, it is in the widest sphere, taking the pair not just as Sunday Sportsmen but as rounded men of the world, that a victory by 63 to 53 means that it is Mr X MBE but it is Sir Emil Todorow.