The curse of Dundonald Road re-asserted itself as we arrived to find that the home team's stumps were locked in a garage for which the owner had no key. Several solutions were tried including looking for a sports shop, trying to borrow stumps from the League teams on Pitch 2 who had lost their umpire (the curse of DR) and fashioning six stumps out of broom handles. One of the Theatres Team has been a Stage Manager and can make a prop out of just about anything; he had already produced two rather beautiful sticks by the time John arrived back with the Nomads' stumps and play began at 3.45.
Nomads were missing 3 openers in Mark Bradshaw, Ben Fewson and Peter Moth and so skipper John Crossland turned to the "experience" of Mahesh Vyas and Nick Lefebve. During the delay of well over an hour the padded-up pair paced the boundary, if not liked caged tigers, then certainly like mildly frustrated house-cats.
A reduced game of 30 overs a side was agreed on. The young Owen opened for Theatres but began too short and Vyas carted him away for two 4s in the first over. Lefebve faced Cal Robertson who was bowling for the first time since breaking his finger in the corresponding fixture last year and, in a rather comical first over, attempted to sweep the spinner three times but received only a bruise on the stomach and two close LBW shouts for his trouble.
Vyas began to play nicely and, strong on the leg side as ever, he dominated the strike for the next few overs. Lefebve finally got off the mark when Vyas was in the 20s. There was no great threat from the bowlers, though Robertson was quite accurate and Owen bowled the odd short one on off-stump which didn't suit these batsmen at all.
Veteran off-spinner, and star of The Bill and Ali G IndaHouse, John Warnaby was first change. He can tweak it but tends to overpitch and both openers managed to flick him away to leg regularly to take the partnership past 50. Vyas began to look assured as he raced into the 40s but then Warnaby made the breakthough as the Character Actor lured Lefebve forward once too often and the ball was spooned up to short square leg to end a decent stand of 71 in 13 overs, of which over 60 were scored on the leg side.
Prasanth was No.3 and provided stylish support to Vyas who soon reached his half-century. The opener took 13 off an over from the quickish Ian but then fell to the same bowler for a fine 60. Prasanth was caught for 17 in the same over and, with the score on 113 for 3 and only 11 overs remaining, a contest was on the cards. Hassan Khan reduced the likelihood of this by despatching the first two balls of Ian's next over straight back into the road in the manner of Gary Sobers, or even Rhys Adams - it was almost an anti-climax when only 19 came off the over. Jim Joyce "played himself in" by producing the shot of the day off his very first ball - a very classy straight drive out of the textbook of Sachin Tendulkar, or even Emil Todorow.
It was pure entertainment for everyone except the weary fielders as these two got going. A few spectators even lingered to watch the fun. 29 balls of mayhem, with not a single defensive shot played, produced 75 runs before Hassan Khan was LBW, perhaps slightly unluckily, to a short skidder from the splendidly-named Olivier Pigeon. This produced no respite for the Theatres, merely an encore as Riaz Khan, who appears to have been working out in both gym and nets and is in unstoppable form, took over from his namesake and just increased the tempo. Jim Joyce sprinted to possibly the fastest 50 in Nomads' history (off approximately 20 balls) with a murderous assault on Dirk Fieldhouse - 27 in on over including successive sixes to bring up the landmark before falling leg before to a yorker from the returning Owen.
Gopi provided good support to Riaz with two boundaries but Mr. Khan took centre stage, powering shot after shot straight and over mid-wicket. 20 came off Warnaby's last over, 18 off Owen's. Theatres were finally put out of their misery with the score on 264 for 5. A scoring error meant they bowled either 29 or 31 overs - nobody knows which - and Riaz was left stranded 9 runs short of a half-century which would probably have come up in fewer balls than Joyce's.
It was agreed that Theatres would face 30 overs with 265 to win at a rate of 8.83 per over.
After tea a stiff breeze had picked up to enliven a quite stunning afternoon and this caused both Emil Todorow's hair and his bowling to float and drift in a way that appeared to confuse the batsmen. Dangerman Ben Tranchell, who once scored 96 against us, chipped the first ball straight up to Jim Joyce at Cover Point and Todorow also bowled the No. 3 in the same over. Assad, fastish and straight, bowled numbers 4 and 5 in the second over to leave Theatres on 2 for 4 after 12 balls. Various tactical suggestions were made to captain John Crossland at this point, including that he bowl all 11 men for one over each or that he polish off Theatres quickly so that we would have time for a beer match. To be fair to Crossland, he took this mickey-taking in good part and, with a ruthless gleam in his eye, merely handed the ball back to Todorow.
Cal Robertson and Dirk Fieldhouse began to defend well in a manner that could have made the game interesting had the original plan to play a Time Game been possible. They survived 6 and a half overs before Todorow produced his quicker bouncing leg-cutter to find Robertson's thin outside edge. The hirsute Medium Pacer claimed another scalp in this over and had 6 balls to achieve his first five-fer in 14 years. Sadly, fans of the Bulgarian-born legend and fans of free beer were to be disappointed but Emil finished with the remarkable analysis of 6-2-5-4.
Assad claimed another wicket in his last over and Gideon Reeve and Gopi took over with Theatres on around 15 for 7. Reeve deployed his uncanny knack of finding variable bounce, producing a lifter and the only shooter of the match in successive balls in his second over. Reeve accounted for the No. 9 with some sharp lift to generate a caught and bowled. This brought John Warnaby to the crease and the talented thespian played some nice shots while keeping the excellent and impassable Dirk Fieldhouse company. The ball went in the air frequently and Nomads slip cordon had some fun at Riaz Khan's expense by blaming the Nomads Legend for every lost catching opportunity. Reeve eventually bowled the No. 10 to bring his sister, Kate Warnaby, to the crease. "Come in Riaz, she's not exactly Kevin Pietersen," shouted Crossland to the amusement of all. If only Kate had slog-swept her first ball for 6, the moment would have been complete, but she did see off the over with no alarms.
Gopi had used his full range of variations and had gone close a few times but finally found success in bowling Fieldhouse, last man out for an obdurate 10 off 90 balls, an excellent innings in the context of the game and ample repayment for having lost the stumps.
So Theatres were out for 38 in the scorebook, though if you add up the analyses and add on the smattering of byes and leg byes, it must have been around 43.
Obviously it was an easy win but what was satisfying was that we played some very entertaining cricket and everyone in the team either scored double figures or took a wicket or, in the case of John Crossland, took a catch and captained ruthlessly. This was not sufficient for the skipper though; he looked around at the pitch and at the scorebook at close of play and, shaking his head, muttered; "You know the only thing I enjoyed about that match - Assad's bowling."
I hope Theatres will continue to play us next season. they are great company and we don't just look on it as a chance to boost our averages.....honestly.
Man of the Match is a tough choice. Emil Todorow produced his best analysis of the Millennium, Mahesh Vyas top-scored with one of his highest scores for Nomads, Hassan and Riaz both batted brilliantly but I will vote for Jim Joyce, whose 51 was classy and may have been the fastest 50 in the club's history. Fielder of the Day is tough for the opposite reason; there was hardly any fielding to do. Jim would have got this as well for taking the best catch and one excellent throw but as he had to leave early I will give it to John Crossland. He did concede a couple of late byes but he didn't let the burdens of captaincy distract him from his main job of flinging himself around vigorously.
CLAPHAM NOMADS - 264 for 5 from 30 overs
M. Vyas - 60
N. Lefebve - 21
P. Pattiyil - 17
H. Khan - 46
J. Joyce - 51
R. Khan - 41 not out
G. Pala - 9 not out
F.O.W. - 71, 109, 113, 118, 221
TOURING THEATRE XI - 38 all out from 24 overs
Todorow - 6-2-5-4
Assad - 6-3-8-3
G. Reeve - 6-2-13-2
G. Pala - 6-1-13-1
Clapham Nomads won by 226 runs
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